First dates.

So I was talking to a friend who blogs, and I mentioned that I had one- but that I haven't written on it. So here goes- I'm writing on it. Because I have time, for once, and because I just feel like it.

I thought when you got married that dating new people ends... I was wrong.

Will and I have moved 3 times since we've been married. Once from GA to VA, once from VA to Fl, and once from FL to SC. And each time, I've found out that as a married woman, I still date new people. They just happen to be of the same sex....

Now, before I have Baptist women from my church falling out of their chairs and threatening me, let me explain. Each time we move, I have to make new friends. Do I maintain contact with my old ones? Of course. Do I see my old friends? Some, yes. But if I want to have any relationships in the state where I live, I have to "date" new girls to see if they're compatible for long-term relationships.

Sometimes it works out. I have a friend, Barb, who I love like a sister... probably more. She and I met while I was serving on a women's retreat committee for our church in VA. She says she knew we could be friends when I exasperatedly blurted out at the FIRST meeting I attended, "For God's sake, make a decision! It doesn't matter what last year's committee did!!!" To which the genteel Southern Baptist women looked at me and sighed... I'm pretty sure they thought it would be a l-o-n-g year of service. Barb burst out laughing and called for a vote. Movies the next weekend, dinner a time or two, coffee talks, and games of Skip-Bo evolved into a life-long friendship that I cherish more than some of my family relationships.

Sometimes it doesn't. I was invited to see a movie with a whole group of women that I thought would become life-long friends. We saw the movie, we went to dinner. I talked, I joked... I was on my game. The "date" was lovely, though crowded. In fact, it was so crowded with the group of girls that when we got to dinner, there was only enough room at the table for 8 of the 10 women who went. And guess who got to sit at the "other" table? Yep. Me. And watching those women argue over who had to sit at the other table was like being the last kid picked for volleyball in gym class.... no one really wants you, but someone has to be stuck with you. I ate my salad, went home, and wailed to my husband that I would forever be friendless and alone.

Each date has its own challenges. Like a romantic date, you worry about what to say... does this lull in conversation mean they're bored with me? Do they wish they were somewhere else... with someONE else? You worry that you'll talk to much and monopolize the conversation. Or not enough and then it's boring. Or that you'll say something offensive without even knowing it. Dear God, what if you share too much about yourself and they think you're a FREAK?

The other night, I went on my first "date" here in our new town with a new friend, and I called my husband beforehand to chat. He gave me the best advice for "dating"- he said to be MYSELF. And you know what? I think he's right. True friends like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. And I think maybe I'll call her again... but not too soon. I don't want to seem desperate...

What's in a name???

First- let me say that I truly believe there are those who will read my blog and be offended. And I'm OK with that.

Now- why call it the "Bad Mom Club"? Because there are more than enough blogs about good moms. Good, very good, the BEST moms who do things like homeschool their little blessings and breast feed till the kids are 6 and stay at home with the kids because it's "the right thing to do". I am not a "good" mom, if this is what constitutes a good mom. Therefore, I can only be one thing: A Bad Mom.

Let me be clear: There are truly bad people in this world who do truly bad things, and I do not make light of that. There are moms who kill, torture, hurt, and starve their children, whether of food or affection. I am not one of those moms either. In fact, those kinds of moms (and people) make me question everything I hold dear and center me squarely in God's lap asking the question, "Why, God?" Why???? So I am not condoning behavior of that sort. I am here to say that maybe some of us moms aren't perfect. Maybe we don't homeschool, maybe we don't stay home every waking minute with our children. Maybe we go out with girlfriends and leave the kids at home with their very capable and loving daddy. Maybe we go shopping for shoes on the way home from work- and yes, maybe we even, god forbid, WORK outside the home. And (SHOCKING) some of us do it.... when we don't have to!!! (I do have to, but that is a blog for another day...)

So we're bad moms. And I'm pretty proud to be one to THREE wonderful, beautiful, and generous children, despite me being their momma. And yes, I will say it....they are my blessings.